The What

Relationship with Self:

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We all have a relationship with ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously. What does this look like?

• What we did not choose: Our body and it’s physical traits, our brain/nervous system, and temperament.

• What we choose: What are the things we believe about ourself, what is our internal monologue or other facets of self-perception like? How do we push or challenge ourselves or are we passive. what is our relationship to our body, do we reject or accept our physical appearance and traits? What about to our brain, do reject or accept how our brain functions (introvert/extrovert, neurotypical/divergent) our inborn talents and skills?

 

Relationship with Others:

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Of the four relationships this is probably the one we associate most with the word “relationship”, what does this facet look like?

• What we did not choose: Who will we encounter in our life, both good and bad. Who our parents and siblings are, if we have children what our children will be like. Who will like us, who will love us, or why they like/love us.

• What we can choose: How do we engage with those around us? How do we respond to praise and rejection. How do we show love to and receive love from others, who do we choose to love? Who do we choose as friends or as a spouse? What are our boundaries, do we let other people in or push other people out? Are we too porous and lose ourselves in others or let them dominate and control us, or are we domineering and controlling?

 

Relationship with the World (visible and invisible):

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The Visible World:

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We all have a relationship with the world. This is the how, where and what of our lives, put another way, these are the various roles we are living out in physical reality, what is often the traditional view of vocation, that being our work, career and role(s) in society.

• What we did not choose: Our nation of origin, place of birth, culture, native tongue opportunities of skill development (what did our parents help or hinder). Where we get hired (jobs) or accepted (schooling).

• What we can choose: those skills and abilities we invest in developing, discovering and pursuing new interests and hobbies. What education and jobs we apply for. The opportunities we pursue, the roles we accept. For some, freedom of mobility, new acculturation, and languages.

 

The Invisible World:

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This is one which for those who reject such things may have a difficult time with, but we all have a relationship with the invisible world. When most of us think of the invisible world given our cultural views and background we may immediately assume we're talking about spirits or "spiritual realms" which would not be incorrect. However, that is making the invisible much smaller than it actually is, when we speak of “values” this too is part of the invisible world, same goes for virtues or concepts, ideas or theories. e.g. you can’t buy a box of love, justice, mercy, beauty, or truth. Though marketing teams will attempt to convince you that is exactly what their product is, but these are all real things we experience or attempt to live our lives by.

 

On top of these things the invisible world is also the world of archetypes, these are roles which we live out in the world which are also experienced and are hard to pin down i.e. they do not have clear and strong definable boundaries. To add clarity, let’s say you have two people who are computer programmers, one lives more archetypal as an artist, the other as an entrepreneur. They may both start companies and run businesses creating products, but the way they create, what they create and the way they run their business will be reflective of their archetypes. Archetypes are also not strictly defined and thus people can embody different archetypes at the same time: e.g. Artist and Father. People’s roles do determine their archetype e.g. a person can be a dad, but that doesn’t mean they act as a father.

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• What we did not choose: those virtues and values we naturally gravitated towards, our archetype (a combination of personality, temperament, and context), those concepts and ideas which are imparted to us.

• What we do choose: whether or not we live virtuously, those beliefs and values we embrace and accept, how we live out our archetype. That which we give our time, energy, and attention towards (that which is at the top of our value hierarchy)

 

This is an introduction to the invisible world, I hope to bring more clarity to it over time.

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It should be noted that the visible and invisible world overlap, it is not really possible to act in one without acting in the other, so these are not two completely separate things, but they are distinct from one another.

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All these relationships combined give us our vocation, a combination of things which we were born into and those which we have agency and choice in how we engage with all these aspects of our life. Those things which we do not have choice in are not coincidental, and those things which we do have a choice that determines how we live out our vocation, that which is our identity and purpose in the world.

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If at this point you're wondering "wait, I thought you said there were four relationships, what about our relationship to God?" that will become more clear in the next section (Teleology).