Using Death as a Tool to Live

I want you to think of a decision you need to make, it could be big, it could be small, it just needs to be one that is actionable. Perhaps there are many options, perhaps it’s a 50/50 either or scenario, or one which has multiple options. Once you have determined what options you’re deliberating, I want you to imagine that a stranger has a gun to your head; they have picked the “right” option and if you don’t pick their choice, they pull the trigger; if you take longer than ten seconds, they pull the trigger. Now make your choice.

This is an actual psychological technique devised by Jonathan Grayson¹ an expert in OCD and there are variations of this scenario which is called “The Gun Test”. It is a technique to help people get past perfectionism, fear of regret, overthinking and anxiety. This has been a technique which I have used myself many times and it is a very helpful tool.

There is an interesting aspect to the Gun Test, and that is this, it is irrelevant if you pick the right answer, because first off, the point is in this scenario there isn’t truly a “right” answer, it is a chaotic and unjust scenario, not unlike how life can be. However, more to the point, the whole purpose of the test is this: what are you willing to stake your life on? The brilliance of the Gun Test is, how can you regret the decision you make when that is the decision that you trust your life with? Now I should caveat this, I am not saying to use this test foolishly, particularly if it is a major life decision, the Gun Test is a tool to bring in after you have gathered all the pertinent facts and information, so that whatever choice you make you at least have an informed idea of what steps you will be taking next.

Fear of Death

Often when we think of fear of death we immediately think about the fear of physical death, and indeed that is the biological definition, entering the fight or flight response to preserve our lives; filled with adrenaline, cortisol and all the other hormones to give you a burst of physical survival. But there is another fear of death we have to confront, the fear of death as a concept, the death of ourselves beyond our physical bodies. This includes all those wonderful versions of death we experience as intelligent and conscious beings where death can mean a variety of things, including but not limited to:

·         loss of autonomy

·         loss of status

·         loss of acceptance and the experience of shame

·         loss of identity and taking on a new way of being.

Though this is not an exhaustive list, one can get the point that there is more to death than the physical act of dying. In this way, our mortality, our physical death becomes a great gift! Why? Because physical death is the ultimate death, it is the cessation of all the other potential deaths, but also all the other potential lives, in the face of physical death all other deaths become irrelevant. This is why the Gun Test works, it is because it uses the ultimate end to help you come to decide and come to terms with what the most important thing is, even if it isn’t logical or rational.

Shortcomings of Logic and Reason

I will expand on this in a future post, but in short, humans are rationalizing beings, not rational beings. If that statement doesn’t sit with you well I would recommend a few great books on this topic “The Elephant in the Mind”, “Hide and Seek”,  and “Willful Blindness”, for an immediate and convenient read you can review an article here². Unfortunately, when we are led solely by logic, we find ourselves trapped in the algorithmic life, in the life dominated by the constraints of reason. The deeper and more meaningful parts of us begin to suffocate and die.

One of the many gods of our day is the god of rationalism, we have come to value intelligence and having the “correct” answer more than living life itself it seems. Unfortunately, this need for certainty is also tied to deeper emotions such as guilt and shame, as the lesson we were taught is that there is a “right” answer, and if we don’t conform to it or we don’t achieve it, we will be punished or are of lesser value³. This is where overthinking, fear, shame, etc. kick in and leave many people frozen. The Gun Test bypasses the logic part of our brains, because in the test, in that moment, th

at is it, there is no more playing the logic game, what you care about the most rises to the surface, logic and reason be damned.

Closing Thoughts

I love the irony of the Gun Test, because it uses death to help us to ultimately live. Without it we stay stuck in an analysis paralysis or alternatively we stay stuck living the same life we have always known, we play it safe, we take no risks and we become the walking dead.

There is so much to explore, and I do intend to expand on this more, but I recognize we live in an era of short attention span, and I will leave at this for now. So now if you find yourself in a place where you need to make a decision which you can’t seem to come to a conclusion on, I recommend giving the Gun Test a try. A final comment, the Gun Test is only a useful tool when it comes to making a decision when you have multiple options but what if you are stuck at a deeper more existential crossroad and the Gun Test alone will not suffice, when life has kept on going with little change and you know that current reality is no longer sustainable? I will explore that in an upcoming post about the crossroad of deep change vs slow death.

References:

1.      Winston, Sally. Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety: A CBT Guide for Moving past Chronic Indecisiveness, Avoidance, and Catastrophic Thinking. New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition.

2.      Burton, Neel. “Self-Deception I: Rationalization.” Psychology Today, 2024. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201203/self-deception-i-rationalization?msockid=27d94b17de41689303555812df6c69e0.

3.      Wilding, Christine. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. London: Hachette UK, 2012.